A Growing Epidemic
A Christian may think he or she is the only believer in town struggling with porn. Unfortunately, that’s far from true. Addiction to pornography is rapidly becoming an epidemic throughout our society and even in the Church.
The main reason: widespread accessibility. What used to be available only in a city’s red-light district is now in plain view on the covers of sexy magazines at convenience stores … in Hollywood films, TV shows and commercials … on life-size posters at the mall and larger-than-life billboards along the highway … in suggestive lingerie ads in the Sunday newspaper … and on millions of websites.
Years ago, people had to take a risk to visit an “adult bookstore” – after all, they might be seen by someone they knew! But with the Internet, people can now inflame and indulge their sexual appetites with erotic material at any time, in any neighborhood, in the total privacy of their living rooms.
Although pornography is more common among men, many women are also becoming hooked – not so much by visual imagery, but by the emotional intimacy available through Internet chat rooms.
People often hope that their desire for porn will diminish when they get married or grow older, but the emotional and physiological factors can be continuing problems.
What's The Harm?
Many people deny or rationalize their use of porn, saying: “It’s only entertainment! What’s the harm in looking at pictures? God created beautiful bodies, and I enjoy seeing them. After all, looking doesn’t hurt anybody!”
The truth is, looking at pornographic images erodes healthy relationships and can easily become a pathway to adultery and other serious problems. Sexual intercourse within marriage draws a couple together physically, emotionally and spiritually as they desire to please one another; it can also produce the gift of children. In contrast, self-stimulation and sexual gratification for its own sake is simply to fulfill one’s own lust.
Men who ogle photos of idealized, airbrushed glamour girls in sexy positions probably will not find satisfaction with their real-life wives. A woman who discovers her husband using porn feels betrayed. Even if he has been physically faithful to her, it’s terribly hurtful to realize that he has been having emotional affairs with other women. Conversely, a man would feel betrayed to discover his wife having sexually explicit conversations with other men on the Internet.
Adolescent girls and young women are also negatively influenced by our culture’s overemphasis on sexy, “perfect” bodies. Many struggle with anorexia or bulimia – or even desire plastic surgery – so they can emulate an unrealistic, “ideal” female figure.
Another side-effect of the porn epidemic is evident in the workplace, where growing numbers of employees use their computers for porn – essentially stealing time and productivity from their employers. Some are so hooked that they continue looking at porn on company time even after being warned that this will result in losing their jobs.
Tragically, a casual interest in so-called “soft-core” porn can develop into an insatiable thirst for hard-core porn, leading some addicts into strip clubs, massage parlors, voyeurism, child pornography, and pedophilia.
Some people feel so hopelessly trapped that they think there is no way out. One man told CBN that he almost committed suicide because of his lifelong addiction to pornography. He said, “I was flawed to the point where there was nothing that could be done about me. And so the only alternative was to end my life.” Fortunately, he realized he was wrong – and that there is hope.
Respected counselors who work with child molesters, voyeurs, sadomasochists, and rapists say that pornography is usually a significant factor in these behaviors. Shortly before his execution, serial killer Ted Bundy invited Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family to interview him on death row. Bundy urgently wanted to warn people about the terrible dangers of porn. A report about the interview is featured on the website, Family.org. “I was a normal person,” Bundy said. “I had good friends. I led a normal life, except for this one, small but very potent and destructive segment that I kept very secret and close to myself.” And so an addicting behavior that began at age 13 when he found dirty magazines in a dumpster culminated in the brutal murders of 28 innocent women and girls.
While Ted Bundy represents the extreme, “Jeff” is more typical. He and his lovely wife live in a nice suburban home with their kids and are active at church. But Jeff never felt accepted by his father and used porn to soothe the hurt. This eventually led to squandering money on prostitutes. When his wife discovered his infidelity, she was shocked to learn that they were heavily in debt, his job could be in jeopardy, and he needed to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS. After intensive work and Christian counseling, Jeff was delivered from his addicting actions and their marriage was saved – but even so, it was a long time before Jeff regained his wife’s trust.
Yes, porn has a price – and it can cost you everything.
Quiz: Are You Hooked?
If you’re wondering whether you’re hooked on porn, answer the following questions honestly:
1. Do your family or friends say you spend too much time on the Internet?
2. (Particularly for women:) Do you find your greatest source of emotional intimacy in Internet chat rooms?
3. Do you stare at or flirt with people other than your spouse, or fantasize about people such as actors or actresses, lingerie models, joggers on the beach, etc.?
4. Do you regularly look at pornographic magazines, movies, or websites?
5. Do you masturbate while doing any of the above?
6. Do your sexual fantasies and activities draw you away from your spouse, your family, and God?
7. Do you lie about your activities or hide them from your family?
8. Do your sexual fantasies and activities cause you shame or depression?
9. Have you had phone sex or an extramarital affair, or visited prostitutes, strip clubs, or massage parlors?
10. Have you vowed to stop, only to give in the next time temptation arises?
Saying “Yes” to any questions, especially numbers 3 through 10, may indicate that pornography has some power over your life. But take courage! With God’s help, you can win a resounding victory over sexual temptation!
The Heart Of The Problem
Within each person, God has placed a fundamental need for intimacy. We see this clearly in creation, when God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This desire for emotional intimacy is normally filled through healthy relationships with one’s parents, siblings, friends, and spouse. For various reasons, however, some people struggle to connect with others and have difficulty developing close relationships. When people feel empty on the inside, this emotional vacuum can be easily filled with a counterfeit intimacy – selfish sexual gratification. True intimacy satisfies this God-given need, but fantasies and masturbation leave people feeling empty, worthless, and trapped in a vicious cycle. The more they use pornography, the more it separates them from others and hinders their ability to develop healthy relationships. The more alone they feel, the greater their desire for intimacy, and the more they are driven to fill the void with pornography. Freedom comes by dealing with the heart – the deepest inner-core of our being.
Jesus emphasized the importance of the inner life by saying, “For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, … [and] adultery” (Mark 7:21). Also, Paul wrote: “You must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more” (Ephesians 4:17b-19).
